Lunae Apud Amorem
by Inali Grimalkin
Summary: The Moon represents what we need to feel taken care of, loved, nurtured, and safe. To love and be loved runs deeper than personality; it goes to our very core. So why has Luna always been alone?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first My Little Pony fic so if you have any suggestions or comments please let me know. The title of the story is latin for 'The moon in love'.**

* * *

Luna woke at her usual time, a few hours before sunset and rang for her maids. They were a lovely pair of earth ponies, the first was a pale blue with a dark green mane and her partner yellow with a mane of light purple. Every evening Luna felt a strange sense of familiarity, they were colours she knew, but she couldn't remember where.

"What is thy name?" Luna asked as they readied her, she withheld her usual boom as she was indoors and it was starting to get late for many.

"I am Meadow Lark," the blue one answered. Luna nodded, she had noticed the filly's bird and music note cutie mark.

"And thyne?" The princess demanded, her eyes turning towards the yellow mare who was brushing her mane.

"Star Shine, your Majesty," she replied. Luna hummed in thought. The colours and her name both brought forth recognition. Her cutie mark, however, was not what she recalled. Star Shine had three five pointed stars on her flank, while the one the was thinking of was... Different. She couldn't remember how though.

Luna resolved to ask Celestia about it and turned her attention to the mirror Meadow Lark presented. The princess looked herself over, she had changed much since her return. She had grown, her coat had darkened and her mane was in the halfway point between how it had been to the pure energy state it had while she was Nightmare Moon. All results of her magic trying to catch her up in age.

Satisfied with her appearance she nodded to her maids and made her way to breakfast, deciding that perhaps she would just have some tea and a few apple slices.

"Good evening Luna," Celestia said as the younger sister took her place. Luna returned the greeting and nodded at the other pony nobles who were always at the table during breakfast, or rather dinner by their standards.

Luna listened to the chat, but as usual said nothing. She had not yet caught up on her studies and did not wish to be ridiculed for it, even though she knew none would dare do so in her presence.

Soon enough it was time for the sun to set, the princesses took their leave from the court and made their way alone to where they performed their tasks.

"Sister, I have a question to ask you." Celestia looked surprised, but not as surprised as Luna had thought she'd be.

"What is it?"

"There are memories I seem to be missing, I'll see things that are familiar, but cannot say why I find them so. I can remember being Nightmare Moon, but I cannot remember why I became that mare. Was it as the old stories say due to foalish jealousy or was there another cause?" Luna's words came out fast and heated, but she kept her voice hushed enough to keep their conversation private and dropped the formality she showed their subjects.

"These are troubling questions, Luna" the white mare sighed, looking sad. "Are you sure you want to remember what made you into her?" Luna was quiet for a moment, what she remembered was anger, sadness and an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Nightmare Moon's heart was empty of any happiness. Even the things that had made Luna happy filled Nightmare Moon with bitterness. But Luna couldn't remember what had made her happy, only that Nightmare Moon had hated it.

"Yes," Luna finally answered, staring up at the darkening sky. "I want to live with all my memories, even if they're memories that only hurt me and are better off forgotten. It has been a thousand years Tia, I believe I'm strong enough that those memories cannot defeat me anymore. I don't believe there's such thing as a memory that's acceptable to forget."

"At the hooves of the Elements of Harmony Nightmare Moon was purged from your body, removing the cause of your transformation in the process. Perhaps you should retrace your steps and see if that helps any, it is your quest. Now come, we have our duties to perform."

* * *

Luna rose the moon and bid good night to her sister. She then made her way to the royal library to resume what she had been doing since her return; catching up on all the things she had missed in her absence.

Around three in the morning Luna closed yet another history book. She was nearly caught up now, only one more century to learn. With a sigh of boredom Luna levitated the book back to its proper place on the shelf; she could start the last century tomorrow night.

Instead the dark mare chose to walk around the palace. Much had changed in Canterlot, and Equestria as a whole, but the palace had altered little in the spanning centuries. As she walked Luna decided to take her sister's advice and go back.

She remembered her childhood, playing with Tia and watching her parents raise the sun and moon because she and Celestia were still too young. She remembered learning to move the moon and form pictures in the stars, getting her cutie mark and when her parents decided to step back and give control to her and Celestia.

_I wonder if they're still around,_ Luna thought absently. The old pony tales she had read said that King Chronus and Queen Astrum had fallen into a deep sleep and wouldn't wake again until the world was ending.

She found herself struggling to remember life after that. She and Celestia had left the old castle, now known as the Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, and had formed Canterlot. Then there were hazy memories, she knew she had been happy, more than she had ever been, she just didn't know why. Then there came the hurt and sadness, years upon years of it poisoning her.

When Luna opened her eyes again for the first time on her own she shed tears of joy. Her sister, Celestia, the only one who had loved her was waiting. The princesses tearfully embraced and left the old castle ruins.

From that moment on everything was clear again, Luna snorted in frustration, continuing her climb up the long staircase. All Celestia's advice had done was show her where she couldn't remember, sometime after they founded Canterlot everything was gone. Even that knowledge helped little, she couldn't tell the passage of time as well as normal ponies. It might have been years after the founding or it could have been decades.

Luna sighed, having reached the top of the tallest tower. The one place no one aside from her dared to go, her astronomy tower. As close to the sky as one could get without wings. She had been too busy before then to visit. Gazing up at the stars, finding the pictures she had so patiently painted she suddenly felt lonely. Someone should have been there with her, giving the names to pictures she'd made long ago.

Luna laid he head on her hooves and felt whispering in her ears. She looked around, but saw no one. With a slight frown she returned to her comfortable position and cleared her mind again. As before she heard soft whispers, instead of looking around again she remained very still and the sounds became small, yet coherent voices.

"I wish the crops will be good this year..."

"I wish somepony loved me..."

"I wish for glory and fame..."

"I wish all the other ponies are happy..." Many wishes filled her ears, Luna wondered why she could hear them. It would go on the list of things to ask Celestia at dawn. For the moment she let herself get lost in voices.

"I wish Mother and Father were here..."

* * *

"Sister, I have something to ask," Luna said as they made their way to end the night and bring the dawn.

"So full of questions lately, what is it?"

"Last night I was in my tower, taking a break from my studies, and I heard voices. The whispers of ponies wishing for things." To her surprise the sun princess smiled.

"You are hearing the wishes ponies make on stars, your stars. You will no doubt hear many every night until you have caught up."

"Caught up?"

"The wishes were made on your stars and waited for you, you will be able to listen to one thousand years of wishes. Perhaps it will give you some insight to how times have changed."

"Perhaps." Luna set about lowering the moon before she brought up the other topic she wished to discuss. "I tried retracing my steps. All it served was inform me exactly when I lost my memories and nothing more."

"With time, sister, it will come back," the white mare promised as Luna finished lowering the Moon and Celestia prepared the sun to rise.

* * *

So Luna waited and with each day new memories returned. Fragmented and out of order, but they still returned. She could remember stargazing with somepony, they taught her different names for her paintings in the sky. She remembered leaving Canterlot for a while along with memories of all the work she had been doing during that time. Luna was overjoyed at first, things were getting better. She was regaining memories, she knew her subjects history and was hearing centuries worth if wishes made during her night. She still knew that something was missing though.

Finally, however she had come to realize that she wouldn't regain her lost memories by forcing herself. Celestia had told her about a great celebration in he honour, Nightmare Night. Her elder sister had stopped just short of ordering her to go and attend the festival in Ponyville, Luna knew that Celestia was likely still angry that the moon princess had boycotted the Grand Gallopping Gala. Luna also took it as an opportunity to gain some more insight on the outside world and perhaps have a few memories brought back in the process.

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**I won't be going over the event of _Luna Eclipsed_ as we all should have seen it at least once. The next chapter will begin after that.  
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**Please review.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**I didn't think anyone was really interested in this story, thanks to Bronzdragon for reminding me.  
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* * *

She had enjoyed Nightmare Night, it was an event that she felt somepony close to her would have loved, despite the darker origin.

She also learned many things, both about her subjects and herself. She learned her former mode of speaking was terribly outdated and she understood now why her sister was far more soft spoken than before.

She had found Twilight Sparkle to be very kind and she reminded her much of Shining Armour.

Luna found a sad sort of longing with her happiness, though when the small colt, Pipsqueak the Pirate he called himself, hugged her legs.

"What could it be?" she wondered to her stars before laying her head on her hooves and closing her eyes.

The whispers in her ears began and the night princess smiled, listening to ponies of all ages make wishes upon her stars. She liked that her subjects looked to her sky with hope and was curious about who started the practice of wishing on them.

"Ah wish Ah could get my cutie mark soon..."

"I wish the Doctor would visit again..."

"I wish I could join the Wonderbolts..."

"I wish Princess Luna will come to next Nightmare Night too..."

The dark mare continued to let her mind wander as the wishes were silent for the first time; she had caught up and would now only hear a few dozen each night.

She remembered a colt, about the size of Pipsqueak, who had a light grey coat with a hint of blue, the colour of sunrise in the dead of winter and his mane and tail were snow white with streaks of yellow.

Winter Dawn. The name appeared in her mind and it just felt _right._ Luna quickly rose and cantered down the steps and towards the Hall of Records.

"Now this is a start," she said to herself, slowing to a trot and finally a walk once she was within the Hall. She had a name, an actual _name_ to search for and perhaps reveal even more of her memories.

* * *

Luna searched through all the records from the time before she had been banished to the moon and a few decades after, looking for birth records, school, employment; anything that would show proof of his existence.

When that failed she turned to her own chambers; Winter Dawn had been very important to her, she knew he was. Yet there was no trace of him.

It seemed as though he lived only in her forgotten memories.

Luna was tired and frustrated with herself, every time she got close it felt as though somepony was pulling the answer away from her.

With a sigh, she decided that perhaps she should conduct her research away from Canterlot.

* * *

She knocked on the door and glanced around nervously. A tired looking Twilight Sparkle greeted her.

"Princess Luna?" the mare said, startled.

"Yes. I am in need of your help," the moon princess said, following Twilight into her home. "I wasn't sure who else to turn to, then I remembered the prophecy."

"Prophecy?"

"Yes. 'The stars will aid in her escape.' You," Luna nodded towards the stars decorating Twilight's flank. "Freed me from my prison."

"What? No I didn't," Twilight argued, looking more awake.

"You did, the moon wasn't my prison. Nightmare Moon was. Now I come to you in hopes you can help me."

"Of course, I'll try my best."

"Thank you. I need to know any information about a colt or stallion named Winter Dawn. Focus on the time before and after Nightmare Moon took over and report to me your findings. Directly to me, if you please." If Twilight seemed confused that Luna would want her to not inform Celestia of her findings she hid it very well.

"So, you want me to do a research paper?" she asked, looked excited at the prospect.

"Precisely. Make a wish on a star that I return for the paper and I will be there the following night."

"Of course, Princess." Luna smiled and nodded, perhaps now she was headed somewhere.

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**Reviews = Karma**


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